I Don't Want To Go Home

I am not saying that writing (or reading) this is easy, but for me it tells much of the truth.

Life is not fair, and often the place that should be the easiest, the most welcoming, is not. Do you find yourself putting off plans, or not finishing certain projects, or even committing to something else entirely so you do NOT have to go home from college? That was me, and to some extent is still me (although these days the trip home is more like an 11 hour drive; not your normal weekend getaway).

A little of my back story: I was raised in a non-Christian home, and yet my mom always encouraged me to find my own wherever I may go. My parents smoke—and I do not. I can remember in high school my room was the smoke-free room—at least the room that had the least amount of smoke—and so my door was always closed. They didn’t hate me for this, and most of the time I didn’t feel animosity toward them about it. It was my circumstance, and I lived it. This didn’t make it easy growing up in that environment, but I made do, partially because of my friends and their houses.

Often, I would stay at friends’ houses. My mom was cool with it because she knew I didn’t like the smoke. So as long as she knew where I was, she was OK with it. Part of me wonders if she cried at night, knowing that I disapproved of her smoking.

Going back home is difficult because, after being at college, you have tasted freedom, you have tested boundaries, and I am sure there are events that have transpired that you have not told your folks. Now when I think about going home I feel that there is the bubble of life that is unmoved. It is like nothing has changed while I was gone, and yet I am the one who has changed. I most often get pulled back into home as it was and life as I knew it, instead of life as it is now through my experiences.

It is still not the easiest thing to go back to. I find myself giving excuses, or cutting short time when really all I am doing is depriving my folks of time with their only son.

When school feels more like vacation and home feels more like work, try and make an effort to show your family love and respect, even when they don't deserve it, and especially when you don't feel like giving it.

I know that my experience is not like everyone’s. Your situation may be much better or much worse but, whatever your life is like, remember God is always there for you every step you take.

Denny Reed, UBC & TCU Graduate, Class of 2005