It’s finally here. Thanksgiving break… a few days off for your brain and your body. In between all your giving thanks (and please do remember that part), here’s a little Thanksgiving-inspired humor. Enjoy your break!
Jim Gaffigan: "Thanksgiving. It's like we didn't even try to come up with a tradition. The tradition is, we overeat. 'Hey, how about at Thanksgiving we just eat a lot?' 'But we do that every day!' 'Oh. What if we eat a lot with people that annoy us?'"
Stephen Colbert: "Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car."
Kevin James: "Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants."
Jack Handey: "If you're at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, 'Boy, these are good cigars!'"
Jay Leno: "You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out."
Johnny Carson: "Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often."
David Letterman: "When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog. Only kidding. It was the cat.”
And a few turkey riddles for you:
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
What is the difference between a chicken and a turkey?
Chickens celebrate Thanksgiving!!
What is the Turkey's favorite black tie celebration?
The Butter Ball
How does a Turkey drink her wine?
In a gobble-let
How many turkeys does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one but it takes 5 hours.
What kind of music did Pilgrims listen to?
Plymouth Rock!
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
The outside!
Why do turkeys eat so little?
Because they are always stuffed!
What did the turkey do in the Thanksgiving Day Parade?
He played his drumsticks!
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